im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
