Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
