If i come over, it means nothing
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
