I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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