i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
