i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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