The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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