dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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