Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
