Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
