Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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