You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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