Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
