I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
