Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
