By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
