I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
