Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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