i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Actions speak louder than pants.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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