I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
