This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
