i can't believe i had my finger in that
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
