Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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