I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
