just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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