I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
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