bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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