I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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