I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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