i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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