Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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