I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
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My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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