hotel room ftw
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
