i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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