Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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