I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
