Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
