sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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