just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
