using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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