My room smells like vodka and shame
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
