After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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