Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
