and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
