I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
