My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize