Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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