ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
