He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I will pee on everything he values.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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