I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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