The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
