____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
