So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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