last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
