My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I will be naked everywhere
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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