how can u be prego again
Just fell off a train. Bad.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
