Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
