I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
smell my finger.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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