Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My liver just broke up with me...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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