Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
