There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
