I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
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