Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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