May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
