I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
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full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
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I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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