apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
