she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
