I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Its about making memories worth repressing
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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