so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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