just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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